Any time you have guests in your home it can be a disruption. Kids generally respond best when there is routine and structure, which can be hard to maintain when you have visiting family or friends. For me I've had a wide range of experience when it comes to the families I work for having grandparents visit.
Some grandparents are hands on whereas others are more comfortable sitting back and observing; some grandparents want to go go go and others would rather sip tea and chat at home; some grandparents are very amendable to the house rules, whereas others have opinions and other ideas. With each set of grandparents I've known they have all had different impacts on the family system. For parents it can be difficult having your mom and dad in your space or your in laws pushing their ideas and philosophies down your throat.
Here are a few of my thoughts on how to make these visits the most pleasant:
1. Communicate early and often. Be upfront with the grandparents what the schedule is for their visit, what activities the kids are involved in and have an idea of what special outings you will take. Explain to them the house rules, your philosophies, and be clear that if you want their advice, you will ask for it. Make it clear to them who is in charge, whether your nanny will be there during the day, or you want them to watch the kids while you are working.
2. Set up a clear length of stay. This can be an experiment at first, learning how long you can handle having others in your space. Whether it be 3 days, 1 week, or 1 month, make sure it is something you and your spouse and nanny/children can handle, remember - it is a disruption to your family system!
3. Facilitate the relationship between your nanny/caregiver and your parents: make it clear to both sets who will be in charge, who will handle discipline, and who will drive or organize activities for the day. Check in with your nanny, make sure she is comfortable - give feedback to your parents on how they are treating your caregiver. Let your nanny know if this is a week she can have a little flexibility at work for appointments and such or if you need her to stick to her strict work schedule.
4. Encourage grandparents to step in and help out as they want to, especially when it comes to reading books before bedtimes or making crafts and playing games. Set them up to succeed, if they have a particular strength, use it! Encourage your child to engage with their grandparents, to ask them for help or to attend classes and activities. Ask grandparents for help such as babysitting for your date night or making freezer meals, most grandparents want to feel helpful, give them something to do!
5. Set up proper hellos and good byes. It is important to transition well, prepare your children that things might be different while grandma and grandpa are visiting. Make sure to say goodbye and not just let them leave during nap times. Talk about when they might come visit again and what you might want to do differently next time. Always stay in communication with your spouse and caregiver/nanny about how the week went and how the next visit could be better
The relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren should be honored and cherished. While it is hard at times to have others in your home and space, if you have good, open communication and plan ahead of time, the visit can be smooth and comforting to all!
*** Nanny tips on dealing with grandparents will be in another post.
And what's a grandparent post without a pic of me and my grandma (and cousin H). :)
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